Christmas 2015

Dearest Harper,

Your picture with Santa! You can tell in your face that you're not too sure, but you're not full on crying, so that's a win!

Traditional photo next to Santa's cookies!

Christmas double smooch!

Time well spent with family.

I love you,

Mommy

Thanksgiving 2015

Dearest Harper,

Thanksgiving double smooch!

I love you,

Mommy

Twelve Months!

Dearest Harper,

Happy first birthday, my beautiful, beautiful girl! I am amazed at the little person you're becoming. You have a little personality - you're so happy and fun. You like to play with your toys, look at your books, play with Mommy and Daddy. You are really good at keeping yourself occupied while Mommy and Daddy watch TV or play video games, or grade papers, or whatever else keeps us busy. You're smart, you know how to play peek-a-boo, you point at the light when we ask you where it is, and although you know the receiver for the TV is off limits, you'll still go over to it, looking at us the whole way, making sure we're watching you do something you're not supposed to. When we tell you no, you stop, look at us, smile, and inch closer. You love emptying drawers - the Tupperware, the dish towels, your shoes, your diapers, Mommy's socks. You're not so good at putting it all back though. You walk really well when you have something to push, but don't quite have the confidence to do it on your own, even though everyone can see that you'd be a-ok if you just did it. You'll do it when you're ready, I'm not worried.

I reached my goal of breastfeeding you for a year! I am so very proud of this I am thankful I have a job that is understanding and accommodating, allowing me breaks to pump since I returned to work in February. My milk, for a while now, hasn't been enough to keep up with you, so thank goodness I froze a bunch in the beginning when it was. I'm going to talk to the pediatrician when we have your 1-year visit and learn everything there is to know about switching you over to cow's milk, but I'm not sure I want to quit breastfeeding altogether. I really enjoy nursing you to sleep, it's good snuggle time, and I think I want to continue that until you're no longer interested.

You are an amazing little girl. You have made this last year an absolute joy. Your easy going and mild mannered nature have made it very easy to be your parents. We were worried that it would be hard to adjust to having a baby in the house, given that we were so long without one, but nope; we've loved every single second. You are the blessing we hoped for for so many years. We love you more than words can even begin to describe. You continue to amaze us, every second of every day. You are everything we longed for, and more. We constantly wonder how we got so lucky to have YOU as our daughter.

Happy birthday, sweet girl.

I love you,

Mommy

Eleven Months!

Dearest Harper,

I KNEW baby signs would be awesome! Every morning when we get you out of your crib, Winston runs in first. You stand up and hit your leg, signing "dog." And one day we were out to lunch, and there was a dog sitting on the patio. It was much bigger and looked completely different than our dogs, but you signed it anyway! There was the time Daddy took you on a walk and you signed it at a bunch of wild turkeys though... You also sign "eat" when we ask you if you're hungry or if you want to eat. A few times you've even come up to us and signed it, telling us you're hungry and want to eat!

You got super sick this month, much worse than the other little colds you've had. Daddy got you up one morning and you cried and cried. You were inconsolable. He called me at work and told me about the crying and this thick, green snot coming out of your nose. I told him to take your temperature but you weren't having it. I told him to call the doctor and take you in, which he did, and you were diagnosed with an ear infection. No wonder you were crying! The picture below is on the way home from the doctor's. Daddy sent it to me and my heart broke. I wanted nothing more than to come home and snuggle you, but Daddy had it under control. We gave you Amoxicillin (which you were a champ at taking!) and after two doses, you started feeling better and acting like your happy self again.

We love you so much and can't believe you've been here for almost a year! The time has flown by! You've made it easy and enjoyable though. Thank you for being such a good baby.

I love you,

Mommy

Ten Months!

Dearest Harper,

All of our work teaching you sign language has finally paid off! You sign "milk" when you're asked if you want it, and it is, hands down, the cutest thing ever. I can't wait until you sign more things; it will make communicating with you so much easier.

Daddy taught you how to give high fives in an afternoon. You're a smart cookie! You give them in your own way though - multiple whacks on the hand, rather than just one. You wave at the baby in the mirror, and at us when you see us. You pull your toys out of the box and give them to us to play with. I play with them like you do - hold them over my head, hit them on things, yell at them, and you watch me, smiling the entire time.

You continue to be the star wherever we go. You are complimented and admired by strangers and family and friends. You're a beautiful little girl, very well behaved, mild mannered, happy, and fun. Keep up the good work, my sweet, sweet girl!

I love you,

Mommy

Nine Months!

Dearest Harper,

You got your second tooth about a week after your first broke through. I thought it was impossible, but your smile is even cuter now with two tiny little white teeth peeking through.

You are getting better and better at feeding yourself little bite sized things - pancake, watermelon, Cheerios. You don't have the thumb and pointer finger pincer grasp yet; instead, you take it in the palm of your hand and slowly open your hand over your mouth. It's not too efficient, half the time the item falls, but like I said, you're getting better at it. What's funny is that you often grab like 3 or 4 things to put in your mouth, which is even messier. Leia and Winston know to sit by you when we feed you now!

You've been pulling yourself up to standing for a while now. Lately you've been walking around the coffee table, and pushing TV trays and walking. We decided that wasn't entirely safe, so we bought you a toy that's meant to help you walk. You got it right away. You're still a little wobbly and occasionally walk sideways like you've been drinking, but like everything, you're getting better and better as you practice.

You continue to be a happy, well behaved little girl. We love to take you out in public because you get so much attention. People are constantly telling us how beautiful you are. They like your hair and eyes/eyelashes the most. Daddy and I constantly wonder how we got so lucky that YOU are our baby girl. I'm beginning to believe that good things do indeed come to those who wait.

I love you,

Mommy

The First Time You Made Me Cry

Dearest Harper,

Let me clarify: I've cried plenty of times since you've come into the world, but all out of love and happiness and wonder over you being here, you being you, you being mine. Today was the first time I cried out of pain, anger, fear.

Your two little bottom teeth are super cute - until you bite me with them. And I wouldn't care so much if you bit my finger or something, but no, you bite my nipples.

The first time it happened I was nursing you at bedtime and you must have been over tired because you were in one of those can't stop crying things you occasionally do. It hurt, sure, but it was also kind of funny, and I posted on Facebook about it. You didn't break the skin and it didn't really hurt beyond the initial bite.

The second time it happened was two days ago. We took you to your first soccer game, and by the time we got home, you were a complete mess because you had only napped about an hour and a half that day. I did a speed bath, skipped the lotion, threw on some jammies, and sat down to feed you. You were in the can't stop crying thing and bit me again. Hard. It hurt - A LOT - and my first reaction was to smack your cheek to make you let go. It was a little slap, and I don't think it would have made you cry if you already weren't. But I still felt bad about it.

That bite broke the skin. It hurts all the time, even just sitting around minding my own business, but mostly when anything touches it, including my clothes and especially when I feed you or pump. Feeding you hurts so much that I've stopped you eating on that side to switch to the other because I can't take it.

So today you were in a great mood, laughing and playful, no crying at all, and I sat down to feed you because it was time. I skipped the side that hurts and started on the other. You were eating well, taking breaks and looking around because you're easily distracted, but this is nothing new. Lately you've been poking at and pinching my nipple during your breaks, exploring, I guess, where your food comes from. It's cute, really. Today you did the same thing, this time including smiling at it because I guess you were happy. You went to eat again and bit it. Again my first instinct was to smack your forehead to get you to let go. You didn't cry, just looked at me. I told you no no no, that you don't bite Mommy, and I put you on the floor. You looked at me and I told you that you hurt me and that you were a bad girl. I know you didn't understand, but I swear there was a little look of sadness in your eyes...

I got up and walked away. I was in pain, and I was pissed at you for doing it, even though I know you didn't mean to. Or maybe you DID mean to, but just because you're exploring, not because you're mean. I felt bad for being mad at you, and I felt REALLY bad for hitting you. So I cried.

And that's that. It may be the first, but I know it won't be the last time you'll make me cry. I'm not writing this to make you feel bad when you eventually read this - you're 8 months old for crying out loud, you're incapable of being a jerk! Mostly I'm writing to get it off my chest.

I love you, with all my heart, even if you bite me.

Mommy

Happy First Fourth of July!

Dearest Harper,

Your Val and other Central Coast family were supposed to come for 4th of July celebrations, but a last minute health emergency kept them from coming, so you, Daddy, and I stayed in. We BBQd and ate really well (you even had a few bites and liked everything!), then did a few fireworks in front of the house.

Of course we had a red, white, and blue dress for you!

And no way are we skipping our tradition of a double smooch!

You tend not to like loud noises - the garbage disposal makes you very nervous and the blender makes you cry - so I had Daddy choose fireworks that weren't super noisy. Just as it was starting to get dark, your Grandma and Abuelito came over, and we did a few fireworks. You were so good, never cried, but were obviously on guard. Funniest of all though, you would not blink while the firework was going!

I can't wait for more 4th of Julys, where you can play with sparklers and truly enjoy the fireworks.

I love you,

Mommy

Eight Months!

Dearest Harper,

It's a funny story how we noticed you got your first tooth. One poker night, a friend of Daddy's mentioned how cute your smile was, and how much cuter it'll be once you have teeth. I told him there were no signs of any teeth coming yet, but laid you down and ran my finger across your bottom gums anyway, just to make sure, and low and behold, I felt something sharp! There it was, you first tooth, and we had no clue! You weren't fussy, you didn't get a fever, you gave no indication at all, except maybe a bit of extra drooling. You're such a tough cookie!

You're all about food. You love to eat - your food AND ours! I share my food with you all the time and so far there hasn't been anything you haven't liked. The only food I've made you that you're not crazy about is the turkey, but if I hide it in cauliflower or butternut squash, you'll eat it no problem. I love making food for you. It's easy and so much fun. It's a bit time consuming, but it's worth it to know that I'm giving you healthy, nutritious, delicious food.

You're turning into a bit of a Mommy's girl... When Daddy gets you up in the morning, you'll play and be content for an hour or so until you fuss because you're hungry. When I get you up in the morning, you cry when I set you down to play. I guess you see the milk wagon, and realize you suddenly can't live without it. Same thing when you're tired and cry, or bonk your head and cry - Daddy can't get you to stop, only Mommy.  It's touching, but I know it hurts Daddy's feeling a little bit. I tell him not to worry about it, that it will change, and eventually you'll want only him.

You're really good at keeping yourself occupied; you'll sit and play for an hour. People have commented how cool that is for a baby your age. It's fun to watch you go through your toy box, specifically choosing the toys you want. You bang them on the ground, shake them, talk to them, and of course put them in your mouth. EVERYTHING goes in your mouth!

You're not signing back to us yet, but we know that you know the signs for "milk" and "eat." We ask you if you want one of them and you get the biggest smile. We've introduced a few new signs, so now we use eat, milk, nap, dog, water, bubbles, and fun regularly. It will be fun one you're able to start communicating with us. As for "talking," you do it a bunch. There's a lot of yelling, and you babble. You say da but not ma. I'm still working on that...

You continue to amaze us every day. You are so beautiful, and happy, and well behaved. Daddy and I mention regularly how absolutely blessed we feel that you are our baby.

I love you,

Mommy

Seven Months!

Dearest Harper,

Despite your pediatrician telling us babies don't usually crawl until 7, 8, 9 months when we told him we thought you were getting close, you crawled at 6.5 months (May 10th, to be exact.) And not, life as we know it, has changed. You're everywhere! Your favorite places to go? The speaker wires and the dogs' water dish, of course!

Your kisses are giant, open mouthed, spitty things of love. We say, "KISSES!" and you come at us. I love them.

We got your ears pierced on May 15th. I felt like the worst person on the planet, knowing you were going to get hurt for no good reason other than we thought it would be cute. You handled it like a trooper though, like you always do. It took you so long to cry after the first one that it occurred to me that you may not cry at all. Then the cry came, and you meant it, but because you're awesome, you were over it after a minute or so. And now you have little (fake) diamonds in your ears, and just when I thought you couldn't be any cuter, there you go, proving me wrong. And if ever you have a little girl, may I suggest piercing her ears early too - you don't play with them to get them infected, you weren't scared because you didn't know it would hurt, and you'll never remember the pain.

We started teaching you baby signs so we can communicate before you're able to use words. We use "milk", "eat", and "all done". We try to use "doggy" when you pay attention to them. I keep meaning to use "tired/nap/sleep" when we put you to bed, but I forget a lot.

You continue to be an absolute joy in our lives. Everyone says you're one of the most beautiful babies they've seen - and of course they're correct! Your personality is just as beautiful - you're happy, always smiling. You're really good at keeping yourself entertained - we can sit you on the floor with a box of toys, and you'll play happily for an hour or so. It's fun watching you become who you're going to be, one little milestone at a time.

I love you,

Mommy  

Six Months!

Dearest Harper,

Six months. That's half a year. How has the time gone so fast?! I'm pretty sure you were born just last week...

You sit up well on your own. You are still a little wobbly, but you do pretty ok most of the time. You have fallen over and bonked your head a few times, but you are a trooper! You cry a little, but you're over it after a few seconds. Your first cold wasn't too bad at all - super runny nose and a little cough, but you were happy and smiled through it all. You get up on all fours and rock back and forth, but haven't managed to go anywhere yet. Well, that's not entirely true... You drag yourself across the hardwood floors with your arms. You eat the veggies Mommy makes for you, but you won't eat the peas and zucchini without a little sweet potato mixed in. We give you tiny bites of things we eat (that you can also eat without teeth) and you seem to like everything so far. Mommy and Daddy are real foodies, and it makes us happy to see you not really turning your nose up at too many things.

I made a little photo collage of you over your first 6 months. It's amazing to see how much you've changed. You hair has gotten a lot lighter and curlier. Of course you've gotten bigger. Your personality really shines through in these photos.

You continue to be amazing. Keep it up, my love!

I love you,

Mommy

Happy First Easter!

Dearest Harper,

The Easter Bunny delivered a nice first Easter basket for you! Look how happy you are to receive such a nice gift!

 Your basket had a book filled with strong girl short stories, bubbles, two outfits, and...

...a chocolate bunny! As excited as you seem to be about it in this photo, Mommy and Daddy went ahead and ate it for you.

Your Easter dress was beautiful, as was your smile. It's almost like you knew how freaking cute you were!

And of course, no holiday is complete without the celebratory double smooch!

I love you,

Mommy

Five Months!

Dearest Harper,

Your smile melts my heart. Your laugh is infectious. You're just beginning to recognize your name. You're more mobile than ever; you start on your play mat and end up across the room. You're not crawling, but it's coming. You like food. You're happy. You're loving. You're absolutely adorable. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love you more, you do something that proves me wrong. I love that you're my baby, and I love being your Mommy.

I love you,

Mommy

Your Godparents

Dearest Harper,

Val and Jeremy are some of the most amazing people we know. Val is Daddy's cousin, and Jeremy is her husband. They got married in 1998, and at the wedding was where I met a lot of Daddy's family for the first time. Over time Daddy and I grew closer and closer with them, mainly because we had the same struggle with infertility and bonded over that awful gift. Opening up to each other about that allowed us to open us to each other about everything, and now, as Val put it the last time we saw them, we're life family who are also best friends.

Daddy and I chose Val and Jeremy to be your Godparents because we knew they'd be absolutely perfect. They are loving and kind and generous and fun and spiritual and appreciative of the beauty the world has to offer, all while hugely contributing to it themselves. They are smart and funny and witty and sassy and sarcastic and find humor in most everything. They've traveled, they've seen things, they've done things, they've spread messages of tolerance and love, they've lived life, they have experiences under their belts. If anything ever happens to Daddy or me, they are exactly the kind of people we want to raise you, because we know they'll do an amazing job. They have lots and lots of love to give, lots and lots of life to share, and what better people to have in your life than that?

So in July of 2014, Daddy and I traveled to the Central Coast (That's where they live. It's about 5 hours away from Sacramento, where we live.) and, as we called it, popped the question to them. They had no idea it was coming, and were not only surprised, but super honored. Of course they said yes, or I wouldn't be writing this post!

Val met you for the first time in November when you were just 3 weeks old. Jeremy had to stay behind because he was preparing to open his own coffee shop in Paso Robles (told you he was smart!) It was love at first sight. Val and Mommy cried a little.

Val visited for a second time in January when you were just over 2 months old. Again Jeremy had to stay behind because the coffee shop was very close to opening, and missing the visit killed him inside.

Finally, in March, we took a trip to the Central Coast so you could finally meet Jeremy. It was wonderful! He picked you up and loved on your right away. He had had a hard week at work, and he said you made it all melt away. He said you are his happy thought whenever he needs one.

During our visit, we had lots of adventures. Both Val and Jeremy are musically inclined. Jeremy brought out his ukulele and sang you songs. You were captivated by the live music! You looked at him and smiled, and he even let you play a little.

We took you to the beach for the first time.The beach is our happy place, Daddy and me and Val and Jeremy. There's just something about the ocean that's good for your soul. Maybe it's the sound, maybe it's the smell, maybe it's the life it sustains, maybe it's the vastness, and maybe it's a combination of all of these. All I know though is when we're at the ocean, everything is ok, all of our troubles disappear, and our spirits get recharged.

I think the ocean is in your soul too, baby. You didn't cry, freak out, or even flinch when we put your feet in the sand and let the waves lap around your feet. You stared bright eyed at everything, taking it all in.

As you get older, we have grand plans to send you to spend some time in the summer with Val and Jeremy. I fully expect you to come back knowing how to play guitar and drums, and knowing how to surf. You'll have had great conversations, good (meatless!) food, and good drinks. You'll have heard great stories and known love like no other. Your soul will be recharged and the smile on your face will be ear to ear. You are one lucky little girl.

I love you,

Mommy

UPDATE: Around your 2nd birthday, Val and Jeremy were having troubles in their marriage, and eventually separated and divorced. They are both still very involved in your life and love you tremendously. They both will ALWAYS be here for you, it's just separately now, instead of together.

Happy First St. Patrick's Day!

Dearest Harper,

Of course we didn't pinch you!

I love you,

Mommy

On The Move

Dearest Harper,

On January 26th, you rolled over from front to back.



Today, you rolled over from back to front.


Soon, you'll be crawling, then walking, then running and riding a bike and roller skating... And we'll be here to capture it all!

I love you,

Mommy

Four Months!

Dearest Harper,

Four months old... Man, time is flying!

I returned to work this month. The anticipation of it was way worse than actually doing it. I do miss you something fierce when I'm gone though. Daddy and Grandma send me pictures, which helps, but when I come home, I just want to hug you and never let go. Because I'm away from the house for about 13.5 hours on work days, I get nervous that you won't remember who I am when I get home, but so far, every night you've given me a big smile, so I think we're good.

You have a new thing this month where you won't sleep during the day. You're obviously tired, so I'll feed you and you'll fall asleep, but the second I lay you down in your crib, you wake right up. Same thing with Daddy while I'm gone at work. You have no problem falling asleep in our arms, but once we set you down, you're awake. We don't want you to be the kind of baby who can only sleep when held, so we keep trying. The part that makes it super frustrating though is that by 5 or 6 pm, when you haven't napped, or haven't napped enough, you're a MESS. You're exhausted, so you cry and cry and cry. Nothing makes you happy on these nights. We don't want to give you your bath and put you to bed that early because you'll wake up in the middle of the night, so we try to keep you happy until 730pm at the earliest, but some nights it's hard. We can't relax because you're so unhappy. And it's your own fault. We can do everything else for you - feed you when you're hungry, clean you when you're dirty, entertain you when you're bored, love you when you need snuggles, but only YOU can put yourself to sleep. Everyone says it's a phase you'll outgrow. We can't wait. We miss our happy girl.

Developmentally, you're reaching for things and actually getting them. Everything goes in your mouth, including your newest favorite - your feet! You love looking at yourself in the mirror, and really, who can blame you - you're beautiful! Your curly hair, dark, long eyelashes, and happy smile make for one pretty girl!

Daddy and I are still blown away that we made you, that you're THIS awesome, and that you're ours.

I love you,

Mommy

Time for Real Food!

Dearest Harper,

They say you can start giving your baby real food between 4-6 months of age. You've been showing an interest when we eat for the past two weeks or so, watching the fork go back and forth between the plate and our mouths and watching us drink. Daddy and I are huge foodies - we LOVE food - so of course we're excited to set you on the same path. Here we are, feeding you real food for the very first time - avocado.



Your faces. The gagging. The green drool - who knew it could all be so fun and adorable?! By the way, Mommy made a rookie mistake and didn't give you a bib. I thought I could control the mess. I was wrong. And apparently, avocado stains. That shirt went in the garbage...

Here's to many more food adventures. Soon we'll be on gourmet burgers and creme brulee!

I love you,

Mommy

Happy First Valentine's Day!

Dearest Harper,

You were beautiful in your red dress! And, of course, we held to our tradition...

Normally, Daddy and I don't really celebrate or do anything special for Valentine's Day - why should a day be set aside to show your partner you love him/her? You should do that every day!

I love you,

Mommy